Tuesday, March 20, 2012
All around me spring is bursting into bloom. New wonders greet me everyday as the world wakes up from winter. I feel a little like spring. Maybe a lot like spring. I feel like I am just waking up from surgery, although it will be 3 weeks tomorrow. But each day I feel a little more awake. A little more like me.
My garden is all new to me. Who knew that there were tulips, daffodils, and hyacinths waiting there for me to discover this year. It's a whole new landscape that I had no idea existed when we moved here last June. My body is like a whole new landscape that was unimaginable last June. But there is beauty to be found in the altered topography that is me.
The cancer was large but still early with no evidence of spread. I feel lucky. I feel optimistic. I feel that each precious moment of life is mine to savor, to hold, to recognize as a great gift. To hold in my heart. Much as I hold in my heart all of your unimaginable out pouring of support and love. Each comment, email, card has been such a beautiful gift that reminded me to have hope while I've been getting on with the business of living.
I am slowly getting back into the studio. I've been too tired to do much and I have restrictions on lifting and little things like making sure I don't get cuts in my hands and yuk in those little cuts. There will likely be some changes to how I do things over the next few months. But Peter and I are working out the best way to do things. I need to be in my studio. I also need to be good to myself. Balancing act skill is not necessarily well represented in my life's tool box. But maybe this is the opportunity to learn a new skill set.
I start chemotherapy the first week of April. It's a reasonably short cycle of 4 that will be finished in June. I will most likely lose all of my hair but then I've always been looking for an excuse to wear flamboyant head wear. It is time to follow through. The chemotherapy will be finished in time to welcome my new grand baby into the world. Life is good.
Everywhere I look there is something new coming to life. The red buds and forsythia and flowering plums are a quiet riot of colour against the trees that are just now swelling with the first signs of green leaves to come. Life is good. Life is very good indeed. Life is full of promise and beauty.