Friday, May 28, 2010

Fear & Tears & Remembering



I woke up this morning fairly ready to embrace the day. I had ideas. I had pretties in the works that I wanted to show you. But then the million fireflies sparkling in my head set in as I moved from one idea to the next. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes it's an internal signal that I haven't taken care of things. When I started to feel tears, I knew it was time to figure things out.

I don't really know where my son is. I know he's in Afghanistan. I know he's a medic in Kunar province at FOB Monti in Afghansistan bordering Pakistan. You see, sense of place is important to me. It's important to me to know where people I love are.  After hours of internet detective work I have placed him in a few 100 square kilometres of mountains. I feel better. But the tears are still there. They will come out later. Maybe a flood. Maybe just a trickle. I don't know.  I know they come from fear. It's hard having a child in a combat zone. Even though he's 29 and this isn't the first time.

Here in the United States, it is Memorial Day weekend. It's a long weekend. I know that FOB Monti is named for a fallen soldier who lost his life in Afghanistan during his third attempt to bring in a fallen comrade when they came under fire during a patrol. This weekend, I think of that. I think of the 6 soldiers from my son's platoon in Iraq who lost their lives just a short while ago.  I think of all of those soldiers who have given their lives in service to this country, our country. It doesn't really matter to me that the politics of war are on the other end of the spectrum from my views.  And I say a little prayer that all of those soldiers who are out there in combat zones come home safely.

24 comments:

SueBeads said...

LeAnn, so sorry you are living through this...I am thinking of both you and your son, and praying for his safe return.

Barbara Lewis said...

OMG, LeAnn. I can only imagine what it feels like to have a son fighting on foreign soil. Those little boys that we sheltered from harm growing up are fighting for the freedoms we hold dear and to set the people of Afghanistan free from their oppressors. Thank God there are Brave Sons. I will pray that yours comes home to the safety of your arms.

Judy said...

I am like you LeAnn, I would need to know just where he is...to settle something within me. As a Mom to a one and only son I can only imagine what your mind must think. No matter the age we have worked hard to keep them safe and warm. Hugs to you and positive thoughts to your son for a speedy return.

Melissa Meman said...

LeAnn..I've only just happened upon your blog, but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you, your brave son, and all the other brave ones that are out there so that we can be here :)

bellajoya said...

Thank you, LeAnn, for your son and your willingness to put him in a place where you do not want him to go. Our lives are better for it.

The Joy of Nesting said...

Oh dearest Little Sister,

I have no words to take away the fear, quiet the nightmares, or give assurances. Oh how I wish that there were!! I can't begin to know much less tell you I know how you feel!! I know that I am thankful every single day, that as a mother I know where my kids are and that they are safe. I can tell you that you are one of the bravest people I know. That in my eyes you are a most extraordinary hero, that I have nothing but love and respect for. I can only hope that if I ever have to carry the stress and pain that you do, that I will carry it with as much compassion,quiet fortitude, and humbling acceptance that you do!!

I also know and can tell you that I am here for you,to please use my caring love as you need to. I'll hold your hand, keep you and your son in my daily thoughts,hold the box of kleenex, listen, or just quietly be with you. I know dear friend that it isn't much but you have all the support and love that I am. Please call on me night or day if I can ease your journey. I can not carry your load but I can help to support you by quietly walking next to you.

Pattie ;)

PS, AND when the tears do come promise me to let them flow let them cleanse your heart and give you strength. Then dry your tears and be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. Your son is the man he is because you are the mother you are!!

sharon said...

Le Ann, I try to remember to be thankful everyday for your son and others like him. I will prayer with you.
Faith.

Janet said...

I come over and read your blog sometimes and I want to say that it must be really hard for you lee ann. My heart goes out to you for our children are everything they are out hearts. I will pray for your Son tonight! So many huggs out to you oxo

stregata said...

I hope you let the tears out, friend. It will take some of the pressure. But you know that.
You and your son are in my prayers. Big hugs and much love!

Esther said...

Le Ann i'm so sorry o read that.. i'm a mother too.. i can imagine, only imagine, how broke is your heart.. HOPE.

sasha and max said...

LeAnn, dear blog friend, my heart goes out to you - such a lot of worry for your and your family - our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Vicki

Patti said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time!

EB Bead and Metal Works said...

LeeAnn,
I cannot imagine with you are going through. I have friends serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and I worry about if they are alright all the time. Know that we all are out here supporting the troops and the families of those troops.
From an army veteran to a military mom my thoughts go out to you.
Beth

Leslie @ Bei Mondi said...

I couldn't imagine the not knowing. That would bother me too. We all really appreciate the sacrifice your son is making for our country. My hubby was in the service for 6 years so I understand the fear you go through. Big hugs!

cindydolezaldesigns said...

I'm so sorry. I pray everyday for my nephew, Jen V's husband and your son and the countless other soldiers on foreign soil to keep them safe from harm. Don't fight the tears.

kelleysbeads said...

You have my prayers that your son comes home safely. I can't imagine how much my stomach would churn with the worry and not knowing. Hugs to you!

LLYYNN - Lynn Davis said...

I'll be thinking about you all weekend, and especially on Monday when we'll raise the flag and think about past, present and future - you'll be in my thoughts.

Cindy said...

LeAnn
Your post was really touching. I really feel for you and the fear you are facing. I know I would do the same - spend hours researching on the Internet to find some peace at least knowing a general area so you can imagine just where your son is. I'll pray for his safety, and for all those overseas and in harm's way.
Cindy

Greer said...

Oh Leann,
I cannot truely comprehend the pain you are feeling with your son so far away and in such a perilous place. Be brave mate, hang in there. Sending you sunshine

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Tammy and Rob said...

God bless you LeAnn and surround you with a presence of peace that only He can provide. May your son also feel the Lord's protection. I too always pray for our soldiers to come home safely to their families, I have one very young cousin in the Marines and he is home safe right now, but I know that fear you speak of and it is so difficult to push it from your mind and heart. What a wonderful momma you are ;)

lunedreams said...

I would have my map out too! I don't have kids, but I have a Mom, and I know how much we love each other and how gut-wrenching it would be if one of us were in a dangerous place. Your son is a courageous young man, and I am sure you are proud to have raised a person willing to place himself in harm's way in order to do something he believes in. I am sure there are many soldiers who owe him their lives.

It's a valuable thing to know when you need to weep, even if you don't know why at first. I hope you will give yourself permission to do that whenever you need to!

Regina said...

LeAnn, God bless you and your son for the sacrifice you are both making for all of us. My prayers and thoughts for his and his friends safety and your peace of mind till he comes home to you. My deepest gratitude and my prayers are always with you and your family.

missficklemedia.com said...

Leann, I will pray for him daily.

He WILL come home safely.